don't let him take my place
by cerseilannisters
Summary: Is that as good as it gets? drabbles based around a Nextgen Facebook RPG.
1. can't let you go

_**a/n: series of drabbles based around a Nexgen Facebook Rpg.**_

_**to rachel (shut away)**_

_**;;;**_

_**can't let you go**_

_**;;;**_

_we can do this_  
><em>we'll get through this<em>  
><em>I don't wanna keep crying<em>  
><em>I don't wanna fight no more<em>  
><em>I hate that I love you,<em>  
><em><strong>I can't let you go<strong>  
>-Can't Let You Go, Maribelle Anes<em>

* * *

><p>He's him and she's her and they're not perfect.<p>

Because Dimitri is all Gryffindor fire, strong and brave, while Jude is pure Slytherin ice, ambition ridden to the core. And even though _she's_ his best friends twin sister he just can't help himself.

Because the thing about Jude Price is, a taste is never enough to satisfy you. It always just leaves you wanting more.

**_;;;_**

His parents died and he was sad and he shouldn't have survived any of it but he did and he's alive and he hates himself for it. The last thing he remembers is waking up in a hospital room and there she is. Scarlet hair surrounding her, brown eyes sympathetic. Slowly her hands take one of his and hold it tight.

All Dimitri can do is cry.

_**;;;**_

Maybe if they were different people, with different lives, under totally different circumstances she would have been his. But he's Dimitri and she's Jude and happy endings are always hard to come by.

He reminds himself of this as he presses her against a bookcase in the library, his hands holding her close as his lips claim hers.

_**;;;**_

They gone on like that for a while, passionate make out sessions in alcoves before classes, secret smiles as they pass each other in the hall and maybe it's not picture perfect but it's something. _They're something._ And maybe just maybe that little flutter he feels every time she walks into a room really is _love_.

It hurts just as bad as the day his parents die when she shakes her head: _no_.

_**;;;**_

Time goes by and he starts to lose himself.

_Alcohol, sex, adrenaline. _

He's Dimitri fucking Coyne and the one girl that he loves will never be his. He drinks vodka like it's water, fucks any pretty girl that he lays eyes on and does the stupidest shit just to feel _alive._

Without her he's nothing (_nothing but the stupid little boy that fell in love with a girl who always runs away_.)

**_;;;_**

She's yelling at him. Her face red from the cold and from running and he'd like to think from him because the fact that he brings _something_ out of her (_something_ that no one else can) is an accomplishment in itself.

"I don't know!" He cried. "All I fucking know is that Einaudi isn't good enough for you and that every time I see you together I have to fight the urge to punch him in the face. I'm sorry for that, Jude."

"Sorry isn't enough, Dimitri."

**_;;;_**

Logan Einaudi. The name makes him want to hit things until his fists are bleeding and he can't feel anything any more. Because Dimitri can't seem to turn himself away when he sees them kissing in the hall or how her hands always entwine in _his_ when they're together, or the way she laughs and her eyes brighten whenever she sees that face.

Logan Einaudi. The name makes him sick because Dimitri will never be him, he'll never get Jude all to himself.

**_;;;_**

He kisses her on one of their runs together and he knows that for a split second, just a second, Jude kissed back. _Jude kissed back_. It's not much but it fills him with hope and warmth he's been lacking all this time.

It didn't matter that Jude was with Logan, it didn't matter that she punched him in the jaw, it didn't matter that she walked away.

_She kissed him back._

**_;;;_**

He's more confident as he walks the hall, cockier as he winks at passing fourth years, flirtier as he shamelessly gets four girls out of their pants and into his that day, more daring as he approaches her that afternoon in the courtyard.

She's with Elmwood; the two look deep in discussion not noticing as he walks toward them. She's tucked under his arm and leaning her head on his shoulder and Dimitri vaguely feels the familiar tinge of jealousy as he flashes them a bright smile.

"Coyne." Jeremy replies coolly.

"Elmwood," He pauses his eyes smoldering at the real reason why he's out here today. "_Jude_." His voice is a whisper and he watches with satisfaction, as Jude can't even bring herself to look at him.

He knows she felt something. He knows and that is why she can't meet his eyes.

Jeremy scolds his grip noticeably tightening on Jude. "Fuck off."

Dimitri laughs looking after the pair as Jeremy leads Jude away from him and he knows that he had to have really pressed Jeremy's buttons for him to be so rude. Somehow that makes Dimitri jump for joy.

_**;;;**_

In the end Jude doesn't choose him.

Declan warned him it would happen, he warned him because Jude's never been the type to commit to others people expectations of her. And though Dimitri knew that he'd be heart broken _(he knew)_ he couldn't help but try it anyways.

Because love is about taking chances and having hope and opening up.

(_no one tells you it's love that kills you in the end_.)

* * *

><p><em><strong>an: please no favorite without a review and thank you :)**_


	2. morning will come

_**a/n: series of drabbles based around a Nexgen Facebook Rpg.**_

**To Siddy (sidsaid)**

**/**

_**morning will come**_

_**/**_

_I'll close my eyes,_  
><em>Then I won't see<em>  
><em>The love you don't feel<em>  
><em>When you're holding me.<em>  
><em><strong>Morning will come<strong>,_  
><em>And I'll do what's right<em>  
><em>Just give me till then<em>  
><em>To give up this fight.<em>  
><em>And I will give up this fight.<em>  
><em>-I can't make you love me, Bon Iver<em>

* * *

><p>She's the kinda girl that thinks she deserves the world and nothing less.<p>

/

But with _him_ it's different. Things are easier and lets face it, nothing has ever been easy for Jude Price.

With Jeremy she's _just Jude_. With Jeremy there are no expectations of who she should and shouldn't be. With Jeremy she can be herself, and she thinks that maybe she could grow to like _just Jude_ the way he likes _just Jude_.

/

Their friendship grows with their age. Soon they're not third years that just met anymore; instead they're sixth years and the best of friends. And with their age as with time comes maturity.

He isn't the skinny tall Ravenclaw boy anymore; instead Jeremy's grown into himself (and nicely at that). His height turned into an advantage, his face dropped the baby fat, his skinniness firmed into muscle. Jeremy Elmwood was indeed no longer thirteen.

She, meanwhile, improved her ability to charm the pants off of any boy (or man for that matter) at Hogwarts, her hair grew longer, and her eyes more devious, her body curvy yet fit. Jude Price was not in fact the quiet little Slytherin girl she had once been.

They're _Jude&Jeremy_, _Jem&Jude_, _J2_, and neither would have it any other way.

/

She dates his best friend half way through sixth year. Logan is sweet, shy, and not her type in the least. Jude's always gone for fast and furious guys. Guys who know how to charm their way into her pants, guys with impish grins and devilish eyes. Guys with few good intentions and _passionpassionpassion_.

Logan however is none of those things. And when Jeremy finds out she likes to think that maybe the hurt in his eyes is really jealousy. After all throughout the four years they'd known each other they'd been a pair, and now it was no longer _Jude&Jeremy_ but Jude _and_ Jeremy.

(_She likes to hope that some part of him really is bothered by it_.)

/

"You might be off off your A-game." He says with a grin pulling her closer to him.

They're curled in his four-poster, the curtains drawn around them, her arms are locked around his torso, and his fingers are tangled in her hair. Logan was called home as his mother had fallen quite ill again and his younger sisters sitter could not handle the stress anymore.

And while Jude knows she should be missing him more than she does, she can't help but always come back to Jeremy. They're best friends after all, this is what best friends did, they comforted each other and that was exactly what Jeremy was doing.

Jude snuggled into him, her face coming to rest at his neck as she enjoyed his warmth and the feeling of being close to someone. With all the stress and things that had happened with Dimitri this was what she needed. Though at his words her eyes darken just slightly as she bit down on the soft spot on his neck.

"Don't tempt me, Jeremy." She whispered after she had let go.

Jeremy only gave her a squeeze in reply. And maybe she imagines the rest but maybe, just maybe there's something like hunger in his eyes as he looks away from her.

/

_Slut. Whore. Skank. _

She hears the whispers. Rumors fly faster at Hogwarts than anywhere else she's ever known. People stare as she walks down the halls, the whispers grow louder, the names grow nastier, and the rumors grow darker.

"Jude Price drove Logan Einaudi to his death."

Logan's suicide attempt is news to everyone and everyone blames her for it. Of course it's all her fault, after all Dimitri kissed her where Logan just happened to see. She might as well have handed him the pills. Everyone blames her.

Everyone but _him._

He's the only one that can see _just Jude_. He's the only one that can make her feel even the least bit okay, because even after all the whispers, and lies, and slander spread against her name. Jeremy is there to pick up the pieces and put her back together again.

She doesn't believe in silly things like soul mates, soul mates are like fairy tales that parents read to their children at night. But if she did, if for a moment she allowed herself to believe in silly things like fairy tales and soul mates, Jeremy would be hers.

/

Dimitri Coyne offers her a distraction.

For that Jude is grateful. She knows he's in love with her twin brother, Jude can see it every time Dimitri glances at Declan from across the dinner table and often finds the two talking in low voices in the library at the Price Manor.

But a distraction is a distraction and for a while it works.

There are no thoughts of soul mates, and happy endings because they didn't exist. Except then she gets _his_ owl, and she knows that planning a trip for just the two of them will only lead to trouble yet she can't help it.

Jeremy's always been able to bring out the real Jude, and she missed him. They're best friends after all. What are a few days in Italy between friends? Friends who hadn't had a moment together in ages, friends who hadn't seen each other since school let out, best friends who had spent two summers back and fourth between each others houses.

They're _just_ friends.

(_Remember?_)

/

_Best friends turned to sex friends. _

Jude finds herself thinking this groggily; the light from the windows is streaming in on them, and slowly all the events from last night (and why she's thinking that ridiculous quote) come rushing back to her.

Dinner together the night before last (with wine), breakfast on the open deck, shopping and lunch at a food festival yesterday (with more wine), last night's wine tasting gala and dinner with her cousins (with lots more wine). Drunken late night swimming (with firewhiskey), followed by drunken even later night dancing (with even more wine), all leading up to this morning.

Jude's still as she turns to look at a sleeping Jeremy wrapped in the blanket beside her. Her heart hammering like a drum in her chest as she realized their actions. If memory served correct they'd spent quite a few hours early this morning doing some things that best friends did not in fact do together.

And no matter how hard Jude fought it, told herself it meant nothing, he was just her best friend remember? Deep down she knew it was too late.

She was _in love_ with him.

Wasting no time Jude slipped out of bed to make a run for the bathroom. After showering and gathering her stuff up she scribbled down a note to him for when he woke.

_Jem,_

_Called home early. I'll see you. _

_always, _

_J_

(_It's not until later she realizes how much in love with him she really is_.)

/

She disappears for a while.

(_Not due to the fact that she's in love with her best friend_.)

Amsterdam has always been one of her favorite places to get lost.

(_Not that she's trying to escape anything_.)

Berlin is lovely around this time too.

(_Not because there's no sign of him there_.)

Barcelona takes her breath away though.

(_Not that she's running away_.)

But it's London he finds her at.

It's her fault really. She shouldn't have answered his owl (she'd always been weak when it came to ignoring him.) She's trapped suddenly as the walls that were suppose to be her safe house now become her prison.

"You can tell me, you know."

They're lying next to each other in the middle of the sitting room floor. Both staring up at the cream ceiling of the Price London town house, there's not more than an inch between them and Jude has to fight (tooth and nail) to stay quiet.

All she wants is to curl up in his arms, to hear him say that she didn't have to run anymore because he was here. He was always here. Instead she continues looking at the ceiling until an hour passes and then two before Jeremy stands up. Probably fed up with her stubbornness by now.

"I hope whatever this is, one of these days you'll be able to tell me. I'm your best friend, Jude. I'm here."

(_She watches him leave with wary eyes_.)

/

Nothing can stay the same and no one waits forever.

No matter how much she wishes it weren't true, she knows that it's as clear as if Jeremy himself were shouting it in her ear. When it happened Jude hadn't a clue. She'd been too self-absorbed to be stop being miserable and start being friends with him again.

_Jeremy Elmwood and Phoebe Einaudi are in a relationship. _

It takes all the strength she has to force a smile as they walk by her in the Transfiguration corridor. Hand in hand, Einaudi's blonde little head leaning against Jeremy's shoulder, a smile on his face as he looked down at Phoebe.

Jude tells herself it doesn't matter. She's lost him for good and it's her own damn fault.

/

She loses herself.

And no amount of Dimitri dragging her away from clubs, and Declan leading her out of bars makes a difference. Either way she's off drinking again the very second they take their eyes off of her.

It's easy to forget. To forget how it felt when Jeremy held her, to forget how it felt to tell him everything, to forget how it felt to run with him every morning, to forget how it felt to just be near him. It's easy to forget because remembering is too painful.

Somehow it's summer already and Jude is no longer a Hogwarts student. She doesn't even remember where the time went and really she's glad for it. Remembering Hogwarts means remembering _him_ and that's the last thing she wants.

So she ignores all his letters, all his messages, and runs.

(_It's always been the one thing she's good at after all these years_.)

/

Maybe it's fate or maybe it's by accident she ends up in Italy again.

The house is as she had left it last year. Usually this house went unused anyway, as it was one of their many family vacation homes. Now though Jude had taken up resident in it. It's funny (in a not so funny way) that the very house she had decided was her getaway turned out to be the house where it all started.

But the past always has a way of catching up to us, and no matter how hard or fast she ran Jude couldn't escape hers.

Not when _he_ was standing on her back porch over looking the water.

At first she thinks (hopes) that he's not real. What was he doing here? Couldn't he leave her alone? After months of not talking and her not answer his letters, didn't he get it? However she knows she's not that lucky and so she clears her throat stepping out of the doorway.

Jeremy turns, a fond smile at his lips as soon as he sees her. For a moment Jude allows herself to think about how good he looks, he's tanner than she's ever seen him, his face looked older, happier, he must have gained a bit of weight and she idly wondered if he still kept up running even after they had stopped.

And then she shut these thoughts down. Now was not the time to bring up the past.

"You look as stunning as ever." The words tumble out of his mouth in that way they always did when he was nervous.

Old habits die-hard, Jude knows this well.

So well that it hurts. Hearing him, seeing him, smelling him, recognizing the orange jumper he wore as she'd bought it for him all hurt.

Looking down at her feet Jude shook her head. "You were always a horrible liar."

Jeremy's face fell and he took a few steps toward her, his voice soft when he said her name. "Jude,"

"Please don't." Her head snapped up to stare at him, her eyes pleading with him not to move any closer. She didn't know how much longer she could stand him being here. Every feeling she had put to rest for the man in front of her she had done as soon as he had gotten with Logan's perfect blond sister.

Yet with him here, with him only a foot or so away from her all of it came rushing back. Not in waves but in tsunami tides.

Taking a deep breath Jude folded her arms across her chest addressing him. "Why've you come, Jeremy?"

Jeremy looked back up at her, Jude knew he could probably pick out every emotion in her voice, every detail of her body language said that she would rather be anywhere but here. And she knew that Jeremy knew all of this about her.

"I've...I've missed you."

Jude shook her head as soon as she heard the words. Wanting to laugh bitterly, to cry, to scream at him to just leave her alone. Didn't he get it? Didn't he get that she didn't want him here? That she didn't want this.

"You chose her. You chose her and you don't get to come here and tell me you missed me when you chose her." Her voice broke as she said finished her sentence very much hoping that this was all a dream, which at any moment she would wake up from this nightmare.

"Jude, please."

For a moment she wondered if he knew what he was doing to her, if he knew that this was killing her. He'd already broken her heart once, she didn't know if she could handle it a second time.

Stopping the tears that were building up behind her eyes Jude murmured quietly. "Why are you here, Jeremy?"

Jeremy looked defeated. Like he'd come here expecting a completely different reaction out of her than what he was receiving and Jude wanted so badly to ask if he was actually being serious. However before she got the chance he spoke.

"I proposed to Phoebe last week. I know it's soon and she's still got a whole two years in Hogwarts but we're planning on getting married the summer after she graduates. And I'm here because I don't want to get married without knowing that I'll have my best friend at my side. I want you there, I want you back."

She struggled not to break; she should have been prepared for something like this. It shouldn't hurt this badly. Taking longer than she knew she should Jude bit her lip. "You have Logan."

"I don't want Logan." He replied quickly shaking his head. "Logan is one of my best friends yeah, but he's not you, Jude."

Not being able to keep the facade up anymore Jude let the tears fall as she stared at her feet. She wanted to shake him until he got it. She didn't want him here and nothing he could do or say could change that.

"I can't," She replied the tears falling faster now. "I can't sit here and pretend like I'm happy for you because I'm not. I don't want you to marry her but you already made your choice, Jem. And I can't make you love me if you don't. I just can't."

Before she was able to realize what was happening Jeremy had already taken her into his arms, unable to stand there and watch her cry. His fingers automatically tangled in her hair as her arms came around his neck.

For the first time in a long time Jude allowed herself comfort. Even if it was for just a moment she knew this very well maybe the last moment they had together. Memorizing the way it felt to be held by him again, the way his fingers felt in her hair, the way he smelled, his warmth. She committed it all to memory knowing that this was it.

A few more moments passed and finally Jude pulled back, her eyes locking with his. Not being able to resist it any longer she pressed their lips together. Expecting him to pull back right away Jude was more than surprised when he didn't and instead he kissed her back.

They stayed like that for what felt like forever until Jeremy pulled away first.

Time seemed to stop right there. For a moment, just a moment she was _just Jude_. Not the girl with fire in her hair and ice in her veins. Not the shell she'd become, not the ghost she'd let herself fade to. For a moment it was _Jude&Jeremy _again and then the moment passed.

He kissed her forehead one final time. No more words had been exchanged between them and she doubted that there would be anymore. Instead Jude let him go, watching as he walked down the stairs of the porch with sad eyes and a heavy heart.

_Just Jude_ was no more.

/

Jeremy didn't want to think about what had just happened. All he wanted was to go home and play his violin and to maybe just cry. He made his way down the beach, finding Phoebe where he had left her. She stood when she saw him approaching, happily bouncing up to give him a quick peck on the lips before packing up her beach towel and the book she had been reading in her bag.

Her arm coming around to hug his waist she beamed up at her fiancée. "So?" She chirped hopefully.

He didn't say anything. He contemplated telling her about everything, telling her about the kiss, about how he knew that this was the end of their friendship, about how all he wanted to do right now was cry. He had lost Jude and he had lost her for good. Instead though he put an arm around his fiancée's shoulder, gently rubbing it.

"She okay?" Phoebe's voice was soft as she stared up at him wondering what on earth had happened.

"Yeah, she said she's just tired." Jeremy replied finally plastering a smile on his lips as he looked down at her

Phoebe smiled back at him giving his side a reassuring squeeze. "That's okay we'll try again tomorrow."

(_Jeremy tries not to think about how there is no tomorrow_.)

* * *

><p><em><strong>an: please no favorite without a review and thank you :)**_


End file.
